Alright folks. I have an assignment for you. I have started to write erotica about exactly what I want in an intimate situation. After doing this exercise for myself, I have to recommend it for others. It was really an interesting experience for a couple of reasons.
First of all, I only wrote about the things that would bring me pleasure in the scenario in the most narrative and situational detail that I could. Now don't get me wrong. I do like giving pleasure. I just was really trying to restrict my details to the things I want done to and for me. In that respect, the writing is not for anyone else to read necessarily or for anyone else's pleasure. It's a study of really getting clear on exactly what I like, excluding the stuff I do to please the person I'm with.
It was interesting to find I had to stop my impulse to add in those things I do simply to please my partner. Just when I thought I was just writing to be able to better articulate what I want, I discovered I had to get out of my own way. I had to stop and distinguish between the things I do because it brings my partner pleasure and the things I do because it brings me pleasure. It was an interesting distinction and a realization of my habits.
I was also shocked to see how much and how important the talking was. I found myself much more detailed about what I wanted him to say than what I wanted him to do. The technical stuff about what I wanted done was easy and felt much more like a correction manual of all the stuff I've found guys do that they think works, but doesn't really work for me at all. But the words were what really meant the most to me, that really provided the most meaning and intimate satisfaction as I was writing. It felt like I was emotionally purging the words I needed said. And that was far more powerful than the technical how-to stuff. I figure the words are also the most difficult things to get in a relationship. I mean think about it (and I'm sure you guys know exactly where I'm coming from with this one.) The woman is frustrated because you're not saying the things she wants to hear, even if you truly feel that way. But if she tells you what to say, then it doesn't really seem that genuine now does it? I mean it then feels like there's some kind of script to get into her pants. (No comments from the penis gallery about the script you actually do have to get into a girl's pants.) You don't really have that problem with the physical prompting.
Another thing that I found much more disturbing is that I was rather uncomfortable with what I wrote. While I was writing it, I felt fine. I felt fulfilled, empowered, and pleased with my writing. But when I read back over it, I saw things I really didn't like. And quite frankly I'm not quite sure what to do with that information. I don't know whether I need to stop judging myself and accept what I like as a legitimate part of who I am. Or maybe I need to work to correct or restructure my psyche in some way that would allow me to find pleasure only in the things I really want to find pleasure in. I realized I would totally be embarrassed to share this with anyone I was dating. And folks get your mind out of the gutter. It's probably not nearly as freaky and perverse as you're thinking. In fact maybe the issue is my good ole'-fashioned Protestant guilt and shame that are causing this effect. I mean maybe, there's really nothing at all for me to be ashamed about and my shame is more about my upbringing than it is about what I actually wrote. . . then again, here I am on myspace talking about writing erotica. Is it really just the regular ole' religious anti-sexual freedom and anti-frank sex talk if I'm able to get on a venue as public as myspace and write about it?
I say all of this to say that I think this exercise was really insightful. It brought up a lot of interesting questions and discoveries. Oh and did I mention it was totally hot too? :-) I recommend others try it and see what happens. And no, you don't have to report back to me . . . that is unless you want to of course. You know I'd love to hear about it cuz I'm nosey like that.
For the record I think I'm going to continue to expand on this writing. Next up: In the erotica style of writing, I'll write what I think would please my partner, and other erotic prompts for myself. Any suggestions for prompts, I'd love to hear them. But don't think that entitles you to a copy of the writing that the prompt generates. This ain't no cyber-peep show. lol.
No comments:
Post a Comment